Dude WTF
by cutiechibi
Summary: Naruto whined. "It's been so long already... I mean... four manga chapters. FOUR! And still no Sasuke" Oh no! You're kidding me! Another chapter! OMG... WTF! Spoilers to new manga chapters, be careful! There will be no more updates to this story, but please, continue to enjoy the humor in it!
1. WTF

A moment of Insanity or Behind the scenes or...

..._whatever, it's a fic to celebrate the **manga returning!**_

**By: **An insane fangirl known only as Chibi

(although the best title for this would be Dude... WTF)

**Summary: **Um... yeah... total crap.

**Pairings: **SasuNaru!

**Warnings: **Yaoi. Yaoi fangirls. Yaoi fanboys. Insane characters. Insane story. An attempt to make you never look at Naruto the same again. Really short, some profanity but no use of the major swear words because it's... just... a silly random fic.

**Disclaimer: **If it were mine... then... that would be the coolest thing in the world! Or would it... dum dum dummmmm!

**Notes: **How to celebrate the manga returning and bringing about more fics, pics, and large amounts of SasuNaru? Write a fic, of course! An insane fic! That and I've lost my mind to British Literature...

* * *

"Sasuke..." 

"Naruto..."

"Sasuke..."

"Naruto..."

"What are they doing?" Ino whispered, standing with Sakura.

"Shhh!" Sakura whispered back. "They're rehearsing."

"Rehearsing? For what?"

"The second part to the manga."

"Sasuke..."

"Naruto..."

"Sasuke..."

"Naruto..." Kiss.

"ACK!" Slap to the face. "You bastard!" Naruto shrieked. "That wasn't in the script!"

"It was in my script." Sasuke pointed to his script. "See? **Kiss Naruto!** It says it, right there."

"Oh my go-SAKURA!"

"Eeps!" Sakura dove behind Ino. "Hide me hide me!"

"No way. You got caught, again. I told you it wouldn't work."

"You messed with my script again." Sasuke crossed his arms at his chest. "We told you, yaoi hints only, not full blown yaoi."

"Awww but..." Sakura pouted. "It would be so good."

"Sorry, Sakura-chan. But it's simply yaoi hinted. Come on Sasuke, let's rehearse again." Sasuke nodded and walked away with Naruto. "Sasuke."

"Naruto."

"Sasuke."

"Naruto."

"Sasuke." Hug. "I love you."

"Wha-?!?!" Sasuke shoved Naruto off of him. "What the hell was that?!"

"It's in my script! See! **Hug Sasuke and confess your love to him! **See?"

"Oh my go-INO!"

"Eeps!" Ino dove behind Sakura. "Hide me hide me!"

"Uh huh... I thought you said it wouldn't work."

"No no no I said the kiss wouldn't work. You have to go slow with these two. They've been dancing around each other for how many chapters?" There was an audible groan from behind the girls as someone shouted out, "Too damn many!"

Sasuke and Naruto sweatdropped. "Gaara, shut up!"

"What? It's true! We've tried everything with you two!" Sasuke and Naruto sighed as the others came into view, each person giving them angry, impatient looks.

"We've tried death." Haku pointed out. "I killed Sasuke for you, I killed him and you two don't even kiss!"

"Haku? Where the hell have you been all this time?"

"Dead, duh." Haku sighed. "I gave my life for your romance and you do nothing!"

"Hey!" Naruto cried out. "I hugged him! I did that much!"

"I've been going after Sasuke for lord knows how long to get you to chase after him." Orochimaru muttered, crossing his arms at his chest. "People call me a pedophile you know. A pedophile!"

"And what about me?" Itachi glared at Sasuke. "How much angst do I have to give you before you cling to Naruto, huh? Huh?!"

"And did you even catch on to the jealousy thing?" Gaara asked. "Do you know how many times we're paired together and you do nothing!" He screamed at Sasuke.

"What about me! I'm on the same team as you guys and have to deal with all your crap. The **least **you can do is give a girl some yaoi action!"

"HEY!" Naruto screamed at all of them, tears in his eyes. "I want to, o.k.? I really really want to. Don't you think I want to?! But... but I'm twelve! I'm fu-" Everyone gasped. "... ing twelve!"

"Not anymore." Sakura grinned and held out a copy of the next Naruto manga. "Congratulations. You are now fifteen."

"Fif... teen?" Was it true? Was it really true?

"Yep."

"YES!" Naruto held onto Sasuke tightly. "We're fifteen. We can have sex!"

"Finally!" Sasuke held Naruto just as tightly. "Oh Naruto..."

"Sasuke..."

"Naruto..."

"Sasuke..."

"Naruto... um..." Sasuke looked around. "... let's go somewhere else, they're all staring at us."

"Wha-? Rip off!" Haku cried out. "We should get to see! We've been working hard to get you two together!"

"You're supposed to be dead!"

"I don't give a fu-" Everyone gasped.

"He's right though." Gaara glared. "I had to get my ass kicked for this. Not to mention not sleeping at all and becoming psycho."

"I had to become a pedophile."

"I had to kill an entire village of people. Everyone calls me a bastard. A bastard!"

"I had to have a crush on a gay guy!" Sakura sniffled. "Over two hundred chapters liking someone who doesn't even like girls!"

"Sakura... you don't even like guys..." Ino muttered.

"So?!"

"Need I remind you all..." Sasuke started. "... that I had to almost **kill **him! And I'll probably try again? And again?!" There was complete silence. "I think we deserve our time alone."

"Fu-" Everyone gasped again. "... that! I'm dead, o.k.? Fu-" Again. "... ing dead! I want to see something!"

"Haku... I'm really sorry my teacher killed you. And I'm really sorry your love interest died. I'm really sorry we never got a chance to explore each other's bodies in the woods..."

"What?!" Sasuke looked at Haku, then back at Naruto, then back at Haku, then back at Naruto. "O.K. That's kinda pretty... but... what?!"

"Back to the topic at hand." Sakura muttered. "When are you two gonna fu-"

"It's called making love! We're in love!" Naruto held Sasuke tighter.

"That's nice. It's really nice. But the manga is going to be read soon, and need I remind you that Sasuke is currently MIA in the manga? And that he's being an ass in the manga? And that he's going to the pedophile?"

"He-hey! See, what did I tell you? They think I'm a pedophile!"

"I dunno... you seem to play that part pretty well..."

"Just like you play the part of evil yaoi hating bit-"

"Hey! Don't be mad at me because you like little boys!"

"**Back! **To the topic at **hand!**" Itachi looked over at Sasuke and Naruto, then sweatdropped when he saw them smoking cigarettes together, their clothes draped over their naked bodies. "No way... you two are done already?!"

"What did you expect?" Naruto muttered, snuggling close to Sasuke. "We were virgins."

"Dude..." Haku muttered. "What the fu-"

**

* * *

Owari **

I was on drugs when I wrote this. Thanks for asking.


	2. OMG Again! WTF

**O_h no! You're fu-gasp-ing kidding me! Another chapter!_**

**By: **An insane fangirl known only as Chibi

(although the best title for this would be: Dude... OMG... Again!... WTF)

**Summary: **Um... yeah... total crap.

**Pairings: **A few, but always SasuNaru in my heart.

**Warnings: **It's another chapter. Run away! Run down the stairs, jump down five holes, and go down a looooooooong elevator (ten million kisses to the person who knows what the hell I'm referring to)

**Disclaimer: **If it were mine... then... that would be the coolest thing in the world! Or would it... dum dum dummmmm!

**Notes: **I told you already! Run! Run away! Actually, to be honest, this idea came from a response I made to someone's lj... it stuck with me. Damnit! Here we go again...

* * *

"Saaaaaasukeeeeee!"

Sakura sniffled.

"Sasuke. Sasuke Sasuke Sasuke!" Slightly watery eyes. "Sasuke! SASUKE!" A trembling voice choked full of sadness, tired from pain.

Sakura wiped her eyes.

"Sasuke!" A pause. "Oi! How much fu-" Sakura gasped. "... ing longer do I have to wait!"

"Naruto!" Sakura screamed before she walked up to the boy and hit him upset the head. "What are you doing! I said dramatic!"

"I'm tired of screaming, Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined. "It's been so long already... I mean... four manga chapters. FOUR! And still no Sasuke!"

"That is why you have to keep being dramatic and call to him." Sakura shoved Naruto forward. "Now, take it from the top."

"Fine fine, jeez." Naruto took a deep breath. "SASUKE!"

Sakura nodded her head in approval and went back to watching, occasionally sniffling from the emotional scene of Naruto screaming and pleading for his long lost love to return. Sasuke-kun.

"Oi." What a boring job this was, being Sakura's new yaoi fangirl partner since Ino had not appeared in the manga yet. "How much longer until this whole three year anticipated yaoi thing happens?" Temari muttered. Why did she have to be dragged into this? She knew she shouldn't have shown up in the manga so quickly.

"Be patient." Sakura hissed out. "You haven't been paying much attention, but Sasuke and Naruto are very slow with matters of love."

"I keep up with the manga." Temari muttered. "But four fu-" Naruto paused in his screaming to gasp. "... ing chapters? That's a bit much."

Deep breath. "SA-SU-KE!"

"That is a bit much." Cute pout. "I mean here Naruto is, extra cute after three long years, and Sasuke isn't even here to appreciate it."

"ACK!" Sakura pointed a finger. "Haku? You're back!"

"Yep!" Haku smiled and looked, if possible, even prettier since three years had technically passed.

Temari looked up at Haku and just blinked at him. "Who the hell are you?"

"Naruto character."

"No you're not. I've never met you before in my life."

"Oh." Haku sighed sadly. "I was in the story before you showed up. I sort of... well..."

"... died." Sakura finished for him.

"Shut the fu-" Sakura gasped. Temari smirked. "... up." Haku went back to watching Naruto.

"Sa-" Cough. Cough. "Sasu-" Cough cough cough. He was tired of screaming. "Damnit! Just come the fu-" Everyone gasped. "... home!"

"Naruto! Be nice!" Sakura cried out in protest.

"Oh, why should he?" Haku crossed his arms at his chest. "He's been waiting what, four manga chapters? Perhaps it's time for him to... move on..." This was said as suggestively as possible.

"Haku, I'm shocked. Shocked! You're giving up on SasuNaru? Giving up on the love you fought so hard for?" Haku sighed, looking a bit guilty. "And!" Sakura decided to add icing to the cake. "What about Zabuza-san?"

"Zabuza-san?" Temari asked. "Who is that?"

"Oh..." Haku smiled shyly. "... love interest."

"What! You mean there was yaoi action and I missed it! Fu-"

"... it was really sweet, Temari." Sakura sniffled. "And sad, because..."

"Be-because... my Zabuza-san... my precious person... he.. di-died!" At that point Temari actually looked sad, almost ready to shed a tear at the sad yaoi pairing. "I wish he were still around, how I miss him, my Zabuza-san..."

"Haku?"

"Yes, Sakura?"

"You're DEAD TOO!" Haku sweatdropped.

"Sakura?"

"Yes, Haku?"

"Fu-" Sakura gasped. Temari smirked. "... you." Haku sighed. "How about we all talk to Naruto. Maybe cheer him up a little?"

"The little guy does seem to be pretty depressed." Temari watched Naruto continue to curse up at the sky for not delivering Sasuke after all the screaming he had just done. "Come on, let's get this over with." And so three Naruto yaoi fans, or to be more specific, two living Naruto yaoi fans and one dead Naruto yaoi fan, or maybe, two female Naruto yaoi fans and one male Naruto yaoi fan, or... the three people walked over to Naruto who was sitting, or maybe laying, perhaps standing...

"Naruto!"

"Hey, Haku! You're alive again! And pretty!"

"Really?" Haku smiled. "You think so? I mean, I wasn't sure if keeping my hair this long was the way to go, but then I figured..."

"Dude..." Temari muttered. "What the fu-"

"Anyhow, Naruto. We've come to cheer you up." Sakura beamed proudly. "Sasuke-kun will be back sooner that you think."

"You think so?"

"Of course he will!" Haku clasped his hands together. Apparently the SasuNaru fan in him had woken up once again. "He's taking so long because he probably has to make himself presentable for you."

"Yeah." Temari smirked. "He'll be pale and wearing a purple butt bow like pedophile-sama." Everyone grew pale at that image while there was a cry in the distance of _I am **not **a pedophile! _Naruto, being the visual learner he was, had a perfect image of Sasuke... pale... in a purple butt bow...

"FU-" Everyone gasped. "Fu-" Gasp. "Fu-" Gasp. "FUC-" Sakura slapped a hand over Naruto's mouth.

"Calm down calm down! She was joking! Tell him you were joking, Temari!"

"Man, it would be like, that puke purple." Naruto's eyes widened at Temari's words and even Haku looked like he was going to be sick.

"Dude..." Haku whispered in horror. "... what the fu-"

"But, don't worry. I have a solution to your purple nightmare." By now Naruto was twitching. Purple butt bow... on Sasuke... gods... what the fu- "There is another option to the Sasuke purple butt bow problem."

"Temari!" Sakura cried out. "Sasuke-kun will NOT be wearing something like that, stop saying that!" What was with this girl? Damnit, when would Ino show up! This woman was impossible!

"May I present... the solution!" Temari pointed over to a random corner and there the solution stood, arms crossed in the robes of the Kazekage.

"Ga-Gaara!" Naruto had managed to pull Sakura's hand from over his mouth. Was that really Gaara? Kazekage? "What the..."

"No reactions yet, please." Gaara then snatched the robes off to reveal... dum dum dummmmm...

"Holy shi-" Haku stared with wide eyes. "It's the matrix!" Gaara smirked.

"Any one else want to know how that outfit fit under those robes?" Sakura's question was met with an uninterested silence.

"Gaara... what happened to the fishnet?" Naruto asked. Gaara said nothing, he simply lowered his head. Naruto's lower lip quivered. "Gaara? The... the fishnet...?"

"It's..." Gaara clasped his hands over his heart. "It's..."

"Under the outfit, isn't it?"

"Well... yeah..." Gaara coughed softly. "Anyhow, Naruto, I'm here to steal you away and do stuff to you like... _this_." Everyone gasped. "... and _that_." Another gasp followed by Naruto's cheeks flushing.

"Oh oh!" Haku waved his hand in the air. "But... can you do... _that other thing_?"

"Haku!"

"What? I wanna know!"

"Oh." Gaara grinned. "I can definitely do_ that other thing _AND... some... _more stuff too_..."

"Not... not _more stuff_..." Naruto shivered. "Anything but_ more stuff_!"

"Oh yes, Naruto." Gaara whispered. "_More_... _stuff_."

"My poor eyes!" Sakura wailed. "Watching this non SasuNaru pairing! How could I! I've betrayed Sasuke-kun!"

"Sasuke-kun is late. Four manga chapters late." Temari shrugged. "I vote for the new matrix Gaara and Naruto."

"Wait a minute..." Sasuke pointed an accusing finger at Temari. "... you... you you you... you were never a SasuNaru fan!" Dum dum dummmmm. "You... you were secretly a GaaNaru fan, weren't you? Weren't you!" Dum dum dummmmm.

"I'm... from the village of the sand... of COURSE I'm a GaaNaru fan!"

"Oh no! I'm all alone in my fandom! Well, there's still Haku... Haku?" Sakura looked around then shrieked in horror from what she saw.

"So can you do some _this that _and _that other thing _mixed with some _more stuff _with a dash of _ect. ect._?" Haku asked. "I can't hand over my client until I get an answer."

"Your client! Dude!" Naruto screamed. "What the fu-"

"How about _this that _and _that other thing _blended, not mixed, but blended with some _more stuff _with a sprinkle, not dash, but sprinkle of _ect. ect. _AND... _ect._?"

"That is quite the deal. What do you think, Naruto?"

"But... but I'm supposed to wait for Sasuke..."

"Come on. Four manga chapters, going on five." Temari wrapped an arm around Naruto's shoulders. "It's time to give up."

"No! No matter how hot matrix Gaara is I cannot betray my Sasuke!"

"Whoo hoo!" Sakura cheered. "I knew Naruto would stay true to Sasuke-kun!"

Temari just shook her head and smirked. "Purple. Butt. Bow."

Naruto twitched and looked ready to reconsider. Sakura fainted. Haku made soft, gagging noises. While Gaara just shuddered and whispered. "Dude. What the fu-" Temari smirked.

**MEANWHILE...**

"Sasuke-kun..." A mysterious unidentified because we have no idea what Sasuke is doing in the manga yet person said. "I have news."

"What is it?"

"It appears that Gaara of the Sand has gone the way of the matrix."

Sasuke frowned. "Fu-"

"And it appears that Gaara of the Sand has gone after Naruto who, as I've informed you of earlier, has gotten cuter."

Sasuke frowned more. "Fu-"

"Also, it appears that... the purple butt bow is not the way to go. Everyone has had reactions of throwing up at the idea of you in that outfit."

Sasuke tugged at his hair in frustration. "FUC-" The mysterious unidentified because we have no idea what Sasuke is doing in the manga yet person slapped a hand over Sasuke's mouth. Sasuke took a deep breath and calmed himself down enough for the mysterious unidentified because we have no idea what Sasuke is doing in the manga yet person to remove their hand. "It's already been four chapters... four long chapters..."

"I didn't want to mention this before, but..." The mysterious unidentified because we have no idea what Sasuke is doing in the manga yet person took a deep breath. "... you and Naruto-kun had sex already, lost your virginity."

"Yeah? So?"

"That means... the second time around you both will know what you're doing. That means the second time will be better. That means... if Gaara of the Sand and Naruto..."

Sasuke's eyes widened. "Fu-" But then he smirked. "Gaara has to be a virgin. He's a psycho sand boy..."

The mysterious unidentified because we have no idea what Sasuke is doing in the manga yet person took another deep breath. "... who went from fishnet... to matrix..."

Sasuke grew pale in worry. "DUDE! WHAT THE FU-"

**

* * *

****Owari**

I wasn't on drugs this time. I was just running on no sleep. Thanks for asking.


End file.
